Category Archives: Leadership

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Cast the first stone………

My heart is always in tune to single parents or people striving toward improving their current situation.  Having faced some pretty desperate situations, I completely empathize.  I am careful to observe actions, reactions, choices & habits of others as to determine if the current state is indeed a cyclic behavior pattern or a true emergency.  It thrills me to see changes occur from assisting others with a hand up, not necessarily hand outs.  There is a definite difference & I learned to discern it long ago. While I am sensitive to needs, I am not a bleeding heart.  Compassionate, yet cautious!

Recently an incidence occurred that stirred me to assist.  While discussing it with a friend, I could hear this phrase going over & over in my mind.

Purple ripples

Instead of casting the first stone of judgement, guilt or condemnation,  perhaps we could cast the stone that creates the ripple effect.  

Why not re-frame our thoughts? Instead of thinking, “I can’t believe they’re doing this. I would never……..”  How about asking, “How can I help that person achieve their next goal?”  I understand we live in an instant gratification, self entitlement society.  Everywhere we look, compassion is demanded & repetitively taken for granted.  What if we stop stereotyping everyone into certain categories & truly attempt to ask simple questions?  It’s easier to judge!

Except for the grace of God, I would be in dire straights.  At an early age I chose to get an education in a field that had been my passion since the tender age of 4 years old.  Nursing.  I was the greatest nurse to all our farm animals & they knew I would take very good care of them. So what if it meant getting a “shot” from my moms straight pins!!!  I experienced divorce almost immediately after graduation & that career provided for my family for 26 years.  One choice.  One act of courage.  I refused to let circumstances define me.  Once I moved from LA to TX, I made the decision to leave the nursing field.  I can explain why in hopes you can understand.  The same career that provided for my children also became my crutch when it came to trusting God.  I needed Him in every area of my life except this.  Yes I trusted Him to provide agency, float pool, travel & nursing strike assignments.  I daily prayed for these.  However…….I knew I had a job anywhere. My prayer for others needing employment even began with how grateful I was to have this ability, but……deep down I knew I could make things happen on my own. When God instructed me to move to Texas, I had to know He was my all in all.  I felt like Esther…….if I perish, I perish, but…….I would not resort to putting my hand in the area of nursing for provision.  Many could argue that God did provide that for me through a nursing degree.  I understand that part, but again……I could make things happen.

So…..after moving to Texas & bouncing around a few dead end jobs, I enrolled in a computer course to gain required skills for practically every job I was interested in.  That one act of courage landed a job specifically designed for me during the FEMA Katrina Aid Today Recovery Program as a Corporate Tech Trainer.  Once that program ended, my position was absorbed by the same department & 10 yrs later, I’m still at the same organization. Funny thing…….prior to becoming a Corporate Trainer, I decided to enroll in a local Community College for Grant Writing classes. Instead I was hired & when my Trainer position ended, my new title became Divisional Grants & Program Analyst.  I was trained & currently process grants/contracts in every phase from a statewide position.  I also assist locations submit internal proposals for new programs.  One act of courage to take a computer course, that led to a job, that trained & prepared me for what my initial area of interest was. I must admit the in-between time was a little scary.  Well, a lot scary to be honest!!  Embracing uncertainty is not one of my strengths.  In doing so, I learned fortitude, courage, faith, trust, faith, hope, faith, tenacity & faith!  LOL!   I feel empowered that from here, I could go anywhere.

I give that example because there are many people, like myself, wandering through the valley of decision.  Maybe they’ve decided & their fate is temporarily hanging in the balance of preparation time. It’s not pretty. I learned long ago that regardless of how it appears, preparation time is never wasted time. Remember……we will reap if we faint not!

Many years ago someone believed in me.  Rapides Parish developed a program granting me to be paid minimum wage while attending nursing school.  My computer & career development course was offered through a local organizational grant.  My OJT (on the job training) provided more wisdom & experience than any college course could ever begin to provide. Out of desperation, I acted on every hand up I received. My personal task now is to see how I can pay it forward for others. Before we judge,  I encourage everyone to see how a simple stone in the form of an act of random kindness, creating a ripple effect, could change the course of a family for generations to come.  I love this quote:

natural mother teresa ripples

Except for grace…….

Blessings,

g

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

– 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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Chosen

I have to share with you what I experienced last night. I began attending a new church in November 2014.  I knew the moment I walked in the building I was home.  There was a familiarity about it that just caused me to take a deep breath, exhale & smile. Since that first day,  there hasn’t been a time that I’ve left unaffected.  You have to understand….I’ve served in the local church faithfully since 1984.  Now that I’ve totally dated myself, you can gather I’ve seen quite a few trends come & go.  Real. That is what I’m gravitating toward now more than ever.  Real people; real faith; real purpose; real motives; real love; real acceptance; real challenges to help me grow spiritually; real life; real humility; real servant leadership; real Jesus. Real.  Now that I’ve typed that word so many times it looks like it’s spelled wrong!

Every week I find myself telling my daughter, “I’ve never heard that taught like that before!”  or “OH MY GOSH!! I’m blown away finding out about yet another ministry they offer!”  Seriously it’s like a new experience every week & yet at the same time, such a feeling of belonging.  Hope that makes sense!

Last night is no different.  There are sooooooooooo many connect groups to become a part of that every excuse for not developing relationships within the church body is completely annihilated! There is a group for women, named Journey. Within that group are options for different nights of the week or lunchtime meetings, prayer groups, & etc.  Any of these choices promises to fulfill whatever  you are searching for.  They planned a combined meeting for all the groups to come together & it was awesome.

Actually…..it was my first time to go & what a time to pick!  After praise & worship, four ladies were introduced.  Normal Disciples of Christ Prison ministryladies. When each began to give explain their ministry, I was awestruck.  How is it possible for me to still be finding out about things to participate in or know what gifted talent is here?  I’ll give just a summary of what they disclosed:

Lady #1- Founded Disciples 4 Christ Prison Outreach Ministry. She was incarcerated for 5 years & now the DOJ contacts her to hosts meetings & conferences across the state. She decided to offer hope to those who are walking in her shoes.

God of all comfort books

Lady #2- Published the book, God of all Comfort,  describing the loss of two of her children within a few months apart. They already had a special needs child & this new grief experience was certainly overwhelming. Instead of this journey destroying her life, it changed it.

Lady #3 -For the past 15 years, along with her husband, has developed a ministry of devoting time & attention to pastors children.  If you don’t think these relationships are vital & beyond priceless, talk to a PK.

Lady #4 – Corporate Executive who wanted to bridge the gap between the churched & unchurched.  Created a YouTube presence called Real Issues. Real Jesus. She addresses common questions in normal, everyday terms while exposing the listener to the Bible.

Lady #5 – became a blogger, published 3 devotional books that is available in 35 countries & translated in several Laura devotionslanguages.  She wasn’t actually present to talk, but her books were.

These ladies were just the opening part of the meeting!  As you may or may not know, I want to write two books.  I felt so beyond empowered being surrounded by these phenomenal women! Each of them were so humble & simply began pursuing their purpose while walking through their valleys & finding their passion.  Their obedience, however small it may have felt in the beginning, is an enormous act of faith for many women to emulate.

I could’ve left at that point & been full of courage & strength.  Of course…there was more.  The main speaker was a lady who grew up so intimidated she literally became beet red & broke out in hives while reciting her wedding vows.  Her description of herself growing up was a fair complected, red haired, overweight, shy girl named Lucretia.  Talk about having a complex!  She felt like God had given her a story within this past year that she wanted to share with all the ladies. She is recently a widow & yet found strength to continue walking in what God is doing in her life.  Amazing.

Her message was straight from Revelation 2: 12-17.  I’ll give you the short of it!  God edified & then chastened people from the church in Pergamum for partaking in the practice of the Nicolaitans.  God hated the deeds of Nicolaitans.  Strong words, but He hated, nonetheless.  In essence, the Nicolaitans straddled Christianity & paganism.  This rendered the people powerless preventing them from fulfilling their identity.  He mentioned giving those who overcome a white stone with a name written on it that only He & that person will see.  In that particular dispensation of time stones were used in the judicial system.  White stones signified acquittal while black stones sentenced condemnation & guilt.  Throughout the Bible you can find God changing the names of people.  Those names are what He sees in them or anticipates who they’ll become.  Many times people don’t know who they are or their true identity because they’ve been called everything else. We also tend to wear badges that identify seasons in our lives.  Single, widowed, divorced, rejected, depressed, bitter, angry, forlorn, etc.  Such badges lead to entitlement mentality in how we expect people to treat us.  We are holding black stones.  God doesn’t see us in that sense.  As a child of God, He sees us through His son, Jesus.  Acquitted.  Black stones & badges prevent us from fully embracing who He’s called us to be & prevents us from elevating God to the place He belongs. God wants to do an exchange of stones & show us our new name.

Relationships can enable certain identities to mask who we really are.  Even if we have left certain people or severed all relational ties, we are still “in bed” with those things that were spoken over us.  We are an overcomer & God already calls us that.

At the beginning of the message we were handed black stones .  At the end, we were encouraged to take our black stones & exchange them for a white stone of which had names written on them. The names were not visible, so we didn’t know what we were picking up.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but the name I received was exactly what I needed to see.  My daughter already had a name in her head & that was the exact name she picked up.  Not only did the name mean something special, but it was a major confirmation that God is ever present in her life.  From a mother’s perspective, it’s a huge blessing to see your child being well so taken care of & honored.

geneva chosen

Here’s my name. Chosen.  Of course you could say that’s nothing special!  The Bible calls Christians a chosen generation or states how we haven’t chosen Him, but He’s chosen us,  so….big deal.  Well….I beg to differ.  Lemme splain…..Being single now for 21 years & currently believing God for my husband to suddenly appear lets you get a glimpse of the rejection I combat feeling.  Seeing friend after friend get married & microscopically picking myself apart as to what could really be wrong with me.  I’m too picky with unrealistic expectations. I’m healthy, but not skinny.  I’m middle aged. I’m not pretty enough.  I’m whatever! Or…..what about applying for a new job only to get a rejection email the same exact day of this meeting.  Of course…I’ve spread my net far, but….still. For more years than I dare admit I’ve quoted, “I am accepted in the Beloved.” Anytime anything attempts to separate my belief in how much I’m loved by the perfect Father, Husband, Friend I have in Jesus, I quickly remind myself of this.   Getting the new name of “Chosen” takes that to a whole nutha level & was applicable in more areas than I dare to explain. Besides…..even if all those badges were non-existent, I still love the fact that out of all the people in the universe, God chose me.  After all….I am His favorite daughter!

Whew……I mentioned loving my church for being real & I just word vomited my negative self talk.  Trust me…..I have a mantra I repeat as often as necessary to combat any / all of those words.  I refuse to become identified with them.

I encourage you to lose the black stones of guilt, condemnation, unworthiness, hopelessness, abandonment, rejection, low self esteem & confidence, deception, or whatever haunts your thoughts & see yourself acquitted.  See yourself loved, forgiven, chosen, accepted, capable, beautiful, wonderful, gifted, talented, & etc.  This blog was lengthy, but I’ve learned it’s times when I don’t share my “eureka” moments that someone could really use one of their own.

Have an awesome weekend.  Come to church with me wherever you are!  We’re also available on Vimeo!

Blessings,

g

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No pressure!

Happy Hump Day!

Hopefully your week is beautiful, your attitude of gratitude is opening unseen doors of possibilities, & being thankful is the secret sauce to life!

Prayer has always been a huge part of my life.  Many years ago I learned praying for others removes the pressure & focus off my own circumstances & helps me focus on being a servant leader. I also believe in the laws of sowing & reaping or….Karma.  I wish to stay on her best side & reap an abundant harvest of good vs evil.  During the beginning of every year I participate in the Daniel Fast.  This is as close to vegan as I’ll ever get!  LOLOLOL!  This is my routine for the first (21) days of the year as my sacrificial offering to God to direct my entire year.  I attempt to plan, develop goals & specifically pray for those during this time.  I’ve done this for the past (13) years. When I have important decisions to make,  I’ll often do a shorter 7-10 day version of this.  God has constantly & continually spoken clarity to me.  I can’t begin to elaborate how many things have been avoided, happened, & surfaced because of this one simple step of obedience.  Along with my goals & plans, I choose up to 5 people to target with prayer during those 21 days.  I love seeing the hand of God move.  It isn’t always how I picture, but He is infinite.  For the rest of the year I’ve develop a list of people in my life who require daily or more often prayer support. Some are life-long friends who are battling cancer or other disease processes that are robbing them of a beautiful quality of life.  Others are new found friends who have situations draining their joy. As God intervenes,  I can cross names off my daily list. This is the greatest feeling in the universe!   Sometimes….people mark themselves off.  That’s hard to understand, but even Jesus knew when to stop investing in the lives of others.  For instance….wiping the dust off His feet; recognizing their conscious has been seared as with a hot iron; having or turning them over to a reprobate mind;  suggesting we can’t make a silk purse from a pigs ear;  or casting our pearls before the swine.  Pigs were really mentioned a lot weren’t they?  Anyway….. people can choose not to change, harden their heart or whatever the situation may be.  God gives each of us a will & even He refuses to move against it.

If you haven’t fallen to the points of no return mentioned above, I want to encourage you to embrace the promise of a loving Father who will never leave or forsake you.  There’s been many times I’ve felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling or He turned a deaf ear to me, but….it’s during those times I’ve grown to appreciate His faithfulness even more.  It’s extreme testing, but regardless, I love & trust Him.  Remember….He’s infinite!

I received the words below in an email today & I want to pass it on to you. It’s terrifyiing enough to face unpleasant situations, but even more so when you have to grin & bear it living up to other’s perception of who you are.  If I may ask something of you, please do me a favor. Never mind me…..do yourself a favor!  Please find someone to share the burdens of life with. Friends, support groups like Celebrate Recovery, church connect group, or counseling. Never, ever allow the unrealistic expectations of society dictate the need for you to put up a facade. This is an exhausting practice where you lose yourself in the game.

Be human.

Be vulnerable at times.

Be honest with yourself.

Tear down the walls that keep people out, pain inside & hindrances preventing you from becoming your authentic self.

Be blessed & know you matter & your life is important.

g

You – God’s Prince & Princess – are destined to win.
He knows how tired you’ve become, just by trying to do and say all the right things.
Take that pressure off yourself, because He did not put it there.
The world may judge you by what they see and hear, but He looks within your heart.

He sees your desire to please Him, and He sees your struggle to please others.
If you want to win this endurance race, you must let go of your need for the approval of others, seek His will
and His pleasure.

Simplify your life, and let go of the burdens that weigh you down.
You’ll find His Grace will lighten your step,
and His favor will even draw others to join you!

Yes, at times you will stumble and fall.
But…..
don’t worry.
He is there to help you get back up again – as often as it takes.
Make it your daily passion to run with Him, and He will carry you over the finish line of your faith.
Together you will win!

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”
1 Corinthians 9:24

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Need a reminder?

Wow can you believe summer is almost over?  Not sure of your location, but due to spring flooding, the first part of our summer could be considered mild for Texas!  Never fear…..we have temps predicted to reach 108 just this week so it will be a regular scorcher.

Season temps are fickle, but there’s a few things that can be counted on.  As you know, my heart is always focused on single adults & how they navigate through their lives. Summertime, for singles, especially single parents, generally induce additional concerns & expenses. Sports, vacays/stacays, increased child care & more.  When my son was younger, I remember all too well how much I had a love-hate relationship with summer.  I made sure he was in sports which meant my usual 12-16 hr shifts at the hospital were reduced to 8.  Weekend games & tournaments meant no OT. Then…..childcare was my dreaded expense. During the school year he attended a local BGCA after school program for a nominal cost.  Thank goodness we had a local YMCA for summertime!  The last, but certainly not least, concern was back to school clothes & supplies.  Cutting hours & OT during the biggest budget busting time presented many opportunities to panic. I’m not one to panic, but it did take some juggling!   It wasn’t until said son was grown did I learn frugal, budgeting technics.  This past weekend he made a comment of how he honestly didn’t know how I survived & made it during those many years.  This thought was provoked because he is now a parent & understands the often daily requirements of sustaining a household.

Looking back, I have to give thanks & gratitude to Jehovah for being my all in all.  Many times there were subtle reminders of how much He is looking out for my best interest or is in control.  I could never blame Him for my poor choices or sticky situations because it simply wouldn’t be fair.  There were several occasions where the answer I sought, was not the answer He provided.  Also there were numerous instances when His word of advice left me sad or disappointed only to realize later how much wiser He is than me.  Often, during my daily commute, I consider just how much He has spared me from over the years & am beyond thankful for His grace. In the midst of trials, tribs, tests or whatever you wish to label your misfortune, maybe you’re like me & tend to forget He is ever present, all knowing, & concerned for the smallest detail of what concerns us.  It’s in these times when I tend to elevate or just spend more time solving problems on my own or place circumstances above the one who can obliterate them & bringing peace.

In the busyness of life, I tend to lose focus.  Daily scripture reading & morning prayer time is my true north! Within the past 6 mos there has been almost a constant system, for the lack of a better term, of how God reminds me He is listening, thinking of me & is very well aware of what is taking place on my timeline. Such happenings can be me thinking of something insignificant only to have that very thing transpire immediately. Perhaps I’ll think or dream of a person I haven’t thought of for years & within the same day hear from them or read something about them.  I can entertain a question only to have the answer materialize.  For instance……I completed a certain TV series & one day on my way to work pondered how the institution in the series actually began.  While watching another series, that interrelates with the previous one, an episode explained the formation of the institution in question.  This was a day or two apart.  Completely insignificant details that cause me to wonder.  Time & time again this has occurred & I refer it to my “thought thingy.” Instead of being weirded out by them, I embrace the happenings as a constant, continual reminder how important my thought life is & discern how much God is aware of my actions.  It’s a reminder for me to “tow the line” or walk upright & right standing.  Don’t get me wrong….I fail often, but am becoming more consciously aware of God’s presence.  I can read or believe scriptures every day, but one “thought thingy” quickly snaps my attention.

As you may have read in past posts, I work at the Divisional level of the Texas Salvation Army.  There is a precious ritual practiced every Tuesday called devotions. Yes, there’s weekly donuts too, but…..I leave those for others!   For the past nine years many people have spoken into my heart with their 20 minutes of history, personal stories, recently read books, & of course, the word of God.  This weeks devos were certainly no exception. Not only was the main message phenomenal, but my point of focus came from the “popcorn testimony” of someone who had recently attended the International Boundless Convention in London, England.  Along with the words he spoke about the convention, he presented an occurrence that immediately moved me to tears & lead me to write this blog.

TSA history bookThis guy, we’ll call him “Churchill,” along with another co-worker, are cousins who grew up in the small town of Bedlington on the outskirts of London.  After returning from the Boundless Convention, another one of Churchill’s department co-workers presented him with an antique book. This co-workers wife, whose sister happens to be one of our Divisional Salvation Army officers, had noticed the book at a yard sale, I think, & picked it up.  The book was Volume One covering The Salvation Army history from 1865-1878 written 80 years after William Booth began to preach the gospel.    TSA history book inside coverWithin the book was a tattered envelope. Within the envelope was a small card, referred to as the Open-Air Plan. Open air planThe card listed streets of where The Salvation Army Corps Band would be playing & who the leader was.

The same Corps where the cousins attended as youth & played in the band. This was strictly an internal schedule which probably only those band members would’ve received. The dates were November 1947-January 1948.  On January 4, 1948 the leader listed is the grandfather or great-grandfather of the recipient of the antique, yard sale book. Churchill is trying to find out which one it was because both of them went by the same name.

Think about it………Bedlington, England 1948 to Fort Worth, Texas USA 2015.  An antique book. Family. Hometown Corps. Co-worker.  I’m not sure what this means to you, but I was immediately reminded of just how mindful & mighty GoTSA history jacket coverd truly is. Who else could have orchestrated such an occurrence?  He moves through space & time because He can. He created it! I asked Churchill what he thought this meant.   He was contemplating how this book could have traveled countries apart to land here in this dispensation of time.  Who migrated here & brought it with them? Those are very logical questions that would be way cool to find out!  My primary question was, “Is there anything significant in your life you are praying for? Or just maybe there’s something you’re believing God for an answer to & this confirms God is truly listening?”  Churchill replied that he hadn’t even thought along their lines. You can tell I’m totally blown away with this divine connection!  I wonder….what “plan” God is guiding Churchill toward as the leader?? He has a very sweet, beautiful family & I can’t wait to find out!

I even appreciate how they discussed the necessity of having the Revised Standard Version of the New Testament to bbook nt version2e more relateable. Talk about forward thinking! Through this happenstance, I want to encourage you how scriptures recount God has numbered the hairs on our heads(yes, He even knows if you’re bald!), numbers of our days, thinks of us as the apple of His eye, He even bottles our tears & keeps a book of remembrance for every time we speak about Him. Jesus can never forget us as our name carved in His hands. I’m sure this would cause controversy, but it seems that’s the original tattoo! Lighten up!  Just my thoughts here!

Whatever you’re facing, regardless of your relationship type, please understand you’re not facing it alone.  God genuinely knows where you are & more importantly, He is no respecter of persons. After the book incident, I’m inspired & convinced, more than ever, He longs for us to have conversation & sweet communion with Him.  Again, He is not the author or instigator of bad choices, but He absolutely can help guide us in making the right ones. We need to listen to His voice, thought thingy’s, or unexplainable instances only He can devise.  If we quieten our busyness long enough, I’m sure more important things than a TV series question will be revealed. Preaching to myself & duly noted!

Blessings,

g
Open air plan supporters

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So far

One of my friends, lovingly known as The Goddess, posted this & I wanted to share. It is simple when you think of it, yet very profound. There are seeds of greatness in all of us.  The choice of what we do with those seeds has been & always will be up to us alone.  emerging butterflies

The caterpillar lives its entire life span instinctively knowing it will soon become a butterfly. This metamorphosis dictates every decision the caterpillar makes. From each morsel of food it eats to where it will finally attach its chrysalis.   Could we, perhaps, determine the passion that stirs our soul being worthy of such pursuit?

Her words below……….

Enjoy the journey,

g

rose buds

I’ve come to realize that there is no “becoming”.

A bud doesn’t “become” a rose.
It already IS a rose.
Always has been.
What you can see is the result of the journey, so far.

Just as an acorn holds an entire forest within it, you have within you all the greatness you’ve been seeking.

It’s there.
Always has been.
What you can see is the result of the journey, so far.

The decision for each of us is what to do with our greatness.
Let it ride, or let it rise?
The choice is ours.
Always has been.
And at the end of this day, this year, this life,
What you see will be the result of the journey, so far.

*The “so far” bit is key.

Jacqueline Gates

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Immigrant Children

As you may know, I’m from Texas.  I feel very strongly against our borders being flooded. Period. Many voice an opinion that this is not the “Christian”  thing to believe. There’s a huge disconnect in the belief that Christians shouldn’t feel this way. I love God & serve Him daily.  I choose as an act of my will to extend mercy, grace & unconditional love.  My bible has story after story of how God protected his people & commanded His leaders to wipe out entire nations to do so.  I’m not saying He should wipe out Mexico, Salvador, etc., so please don’t misinterpret that.  I am saying we should exercise wisdom to protect our own.

I treat all mankind with dignity & respect & strongly believe children should never be used as tools for personal or political gain. This is not Christian, or humanitarian, but political. My governor has been soliciting the POTUS to come see for himself. His trip to Texas is to attend a fundraiser, not assess the situation. Really?? A local Mayor is up for re-election.  He’s in the spotlight for the wrong reasons by offering shelters for immigrants without following procedures. Sound familiar?  Protecting humans should come from the right heart motive, not personal gain.

I’m completely against flooding our cities with people who aren’t doing so as a direct result from a natural disaster.  This disaster  is man-made & self-inflicted.  This will be like a cancer destroying our nation.  Actually this is an internal terrorist attack where we’ll be sleeping with the enemy.  Every country has border control. If you don’t believe it, ask  Andrew Tahmooressi,  our Marine who, for some strange, odd, reason, can’t be released from a Mexican prison.  Our borders should never be respected differently.
Why do I have such a strong opinion about this?  Let’s look at just a few of the reasons!
We have families (some are my friends) in Texas who are unemployed, children who don’t eat unless they eat at school & take back packs containing food home for dinner. Here’s a quote from Hunger Busters:
Over 137,000 (87%) of the children attending Dallas schools rely on school-subsidized breakfast and/or lunch as their only resource for food. All too often, these children go without dinner. Many of them have nothing to eat from school lunch one day until school breakfast the next.
At our recent National Social Services Convention, David Beckmann,  President of bread for the world, informed us about the numerous programs that have been cut from the national budget. Many, if not most, of these affect children & senior citizens.  This validates the previous quote & should enlighten us on the dire needs in our own neighborhoods.  While our economy is improving  & Texas is stronger than most, why add the strain?  I won’t go into detail as to why these children are going home hungry or why people are unemployed.  I will express my resistance to opening borders when we can’t provide for our own.
Again, this is an internal, political blow & other states, Florida & California,  are experiencing the same. California protested sending 3 busloads back. Those immigrants were put on planes & sent to Houston?   Now the government is sending armed government agents to fight the California protesters.  Really?  Our own people are being targeted?  Is it me, or shouldn’t we be focusing our attention & resources on the root source?
The old saying,  “Charity begins at home” should be applied.  Our US government shut down this past year & I had friends hanging in the balance.  Our US is on the brink of bankruptcy & many cities have already declared it. We have trillions of dollars in debt owed to other nations. Despite Obamacare, millions aren’t receiving medical treatment. Our veterans are denied well deserved benefits.  Human trafficking is rampant.  In all these things, what happens?  We open our borders.  I’m not a rocket scientist or an economist brain child, but I can see how this is pouring salt on an open wound.  Well….maybe salt is too mild as salt can actually cure. Acid on an open wound would be more descriptive.
tx border fenceWhat makes this even worse is the fact that other countries, who have vowed to destroy America, are flying to Mexico to cross the border because…..they can.  This leads me to the to believe this was the conspiracy all along. Innocent children & adults are being caught in the crossfire or are considered collateral damage.  After all….if history serves us correctly, the past several political outbursts have been smoke & mirrors to disguise what is actually happening. Create a diversion & the American people will get their hair on fire &  panties in such a wad, they’ll never acknowledge what is really happening.  Not anymore.  We have put our big girl panties on & are dealing with it.  Sorry guys…..you catch my drift!
Enough is enough!!!  Stop shipping exhausted, malnourished, diseased humans from city to city knowing they won’t qualify to stay here.  A recent Dallas newscast reported that they’ll soon be deported. Why expose them, weaken our defenses, turn citizen against citizen only to send them back?  Contact your congressman, senator, governor & let your voice be heard.  Posting your beliefs on social media is one thing & is powerful. Nothing compares to vocally reaching out & helping our officials realize we are not sheep, but  humans whose heart beats for our great nation.  This also affirms & cheers them on for valiantly fighting  on our behalf.  We voted them in & should continue to support them.
Questions???  Where are the resources coming from that are being wasted on such propaganda?  How did they miraculously find billions of dollars in our budget?  Seriously?? Where could these funds be reallocated?  I know!!!   They’re cutting welfare programs & people who are knowingly abusing the system are being forced into employment? What are some questions you may have?
You may read this & only visualize an angry, bitter, racist behind a keyboard.  On the contrary, my heart is so very proud of my Hispanic, Brazilian, Indian, etc. friends who are now bona-fide Americans.  Many of them share my same concerns or are even more vocal!  They came to my America-land of the free because of the brave.  They did so to obtain freedom from tyranny or to offer a better opportunity for their families.  They did their due diligence, counted the cost & obtained citizenship.  To the best my knowledge, NONE of them receive free government benefits.  They are proud to wave the American flag.  I salute, love & respect them immensely.
In summary… I am a Christian. I am vehemently against open borders.  I am for taking care of Americans who need a hand up, not a hand out.
God Bless America,
g
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Unforgiveness

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.
― Hannah More

image

Unforgiveness can be very costly as it’s like a cancer. It can quickly replicate itself causing physical ailments. I’ve literally seen people have to be on high blood pressure meds because the anger & resentment they harbor against someone causes physical symptoms. This can further lead to other debilitating diagnoses. What about anti-anxiety meds? How many people do you know that take prescription anti-depressants or mood altering drugs because they blame someone for a life event & refuse to surrender it??
Hey! Won’t you play another somebody done somebody wrong song!! Besides big pharma, every outlet of media feeds off of it, yet it’s primarily costing you invaluable quality of life. We’ve heard it said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die.” It destroys us, because chances are, the person we’re captive to doesn’t think about us at all.

It isn’t worth the cost. As the quote eludes, the economy of the heart shouldn’t be depleted because of an emotion. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to become besties & you may never feel you’ve crossed over. It isn’t a feeling, but a decision. It means you can finally stop rehearsing the wrong, release it & not give that person permission to hold you captive any longer

Human trafficking is a sick, twisted, social disease that should never be permitted to occur or continue. The bondages we repeatedly function in, because of unforgiveness, are no different. We sell our souls; perform unhealthy acts of conduct & remain slaves to a thought, idea, or circumstance. It isn’t worth it. However, you; your well being; psychological & physical health is.

Freedom from unhealthy side effects, bitterness or hate is within your control. Be honest & open with yourself. Determine this day is the day for the madness to stop.
Let go & live.
Blessings,
g

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Parasitic Relationships

Today is a very special day for one of my closest friends.  Her marriage of 24 years ended & her divorce became final today.  As an advocate against divorce, what I’m about to say is the exact opposite, but I have to confess….I don’t know who’s happier, me or her.  Well….I know that answer, but you can tell I’m beyond stoked!   I’ve known & worked closely with her since October 2005.  She is naive is some ways, doesn’t attempt any of the things I do when it comes to DIY stuff, isn’t extremely internet savvy, reads daily devotions, but won’t attend church, wouldn’t stand up to talk to a crowd if her life depended on it, will procrastinate until I’m driven crazy & hates to veer out of her normal comfort zones.  She is, however, one of the kindest, sensitive, loyal, most committed mother, cat lover & human I know.

Before they married, husband had a child & baby mama drama.  Although her grandfather tried to warn her, she loved him & accepted his son. During the marriage, he was unfaithful & this produced another child & yes… another baby mama. My friend is precious & attempted to honor her wedding vows regardless of husband’s infidelity.  They had 2 kids of their own & oops…another one happened.  She worked 3 jobs during her pregnancy to provide for her family.  This is acceptable right?  I mean husband worked one job, paid all his money to baby mama’s for child support & expected to be completely taken care of with designer clothing, new vehicles, toys, etc.  Wait…I had a lapse of sanity for a moment, because in no lifetime is this acceptable.

When things became unbearable they separated.  [Enter humor] While living with his mother, husband got a taste of being responsible for himself. They attempted to reunite & make the marriage work so he moved back home. This is a great option if you’re not dating someone else in the process. During this time, he wrecked his truck & of course he got a brand new one.  She paid the note, so why not right?  It’s OK that she drove the hooptie with no A/C in Texas heat.  The kids are young, they’ll survive.  NOT!  Finally the day came.  July 2013 was the most memorable month for me ever.  Wait….this isn’t about me, but I was rejoicing believe me!

Friend began “going out” with a friend she’d known most of her life.  He had 3 baby mama’s, 7 kids & lived in a garage loft type room at his parents.  Before you judge that she obviously has a problem, stop.  In 20 years of mentoring single women/men, I’ve seen this cyclic behavior pattern a million times.  Remember when I described comfort zone above?  It was just a friend with a history of leaving broken hearts all over town & kids he’ll never contribute in raising.  For 6 years I used to read during my 45 minute lunch break.  I didn’t gossip with anyone, didn’t socialize or even sit in the dining room.  This was my time to invest in my mind through books.  Friend had a bestie that shared lunch with her.  Bestie left & now friend & I began to have lunch together.  I could have been extremely selfish, self-absorbed & genuinely not bothered by what was going on in her life.  Except…..she’s my friend.  I’ve heard every event that has taken place for the past 2 years.  I’ve heard every event that has taken place for the past 2 years.  I’ve heard every event….no this isn’t a typo.  I have literally heard events, repetitively, for the past 2 years.  If you know me, you know this rubs against every fiber of my being. Why did I listen?  She has no one to mentor her in relationships.  I am not the most sensitive, patient, polished, or kind person when it comes to advice sometimes, but I am thankful to say we have worked through many situations, other relationships & she is so much stronger because of it.  Yes it was an extreme sacrifice sometimes, but to see her today is like there is nothing better.  The reward is worth the investment.

My judgmental attitude overruled my best nature sometimes & I would call husband a parasite.  Then lifetime friend became a parasite too.  Having a 25 year background in nursing, I am familiar with what a parasite is. Not only what they are, but what havoc they can wreak on the lives of people or hosts.  While praying for her to have courage & emotional stability today to face the judge, I actually began entertaining what a parasite truly does.  I then had to look up the definition & description.  Looking at pictures grossed me out completely.  I can’t imagine enabling that type of behavior!  Here it is:

parasiteParasite : a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.

Parasitism is a non-mutual symbiotic relationship between species,  where one species, the parasite, benefits at the expense of the other, the host.  Unlike predators,  parasites do not kill their host and will often live in or on their host for an extended period of time. Parasites show a high degree of  specialization, and reproduce  at a faster rate than their hosts. Parasites increase their fitness by exploiting hosts for resources necessary for their survival, e.g. food, water, heat, habitat, and transmission.

Parasitism can take the form of isolated  “cheating”  or exploitation among more generalized mutualistic  interactions. For example, broad classes of plants or fungi exchange carbon and nutrients in common mutualistic mycorrhizal relationships; however, some plant species known as myco-heterotrophs  “cheat” by taking carbon from a fungus rather than donating it.

Synonyms –  sycophant, toady, leech, sponge, hanger-on.

I was surprised at how this identifies to husband & lifetime friend.  How quaint that leech was my other descriptive word.  How many people do you know can be labeled as this?  How many people do you know who are drawn to these types of people?  Before we go further, please understand that co-dependent, manipulative, self-absorbed, ruthless, parasitic behavior patterns are not gender specific.

You can’t change what you tolerate & often we tolerate situations, husbands, wives, lovers, & friends just because we lack the courage to do anything else.  The best thing you can do for someone who lacks the confidence to walk away from these parasitic relationships is to be a friend.  Listen, offer advice & most of all validate their good qualities while constantly & continually building belief that they are much more valuable than this. Please, direct them to a community DivorceCare Group immediately.

Today is a new day in the life of my friend.  I know it wasn’t an easy path to follow, yet there is such a release & relief.  If you read this & think I’ve been stalking you because this is your story, please know there is hope & a cure for tolerating someone, a parasite,  who is literally sucking the life right out of you.

Blessings,

g

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Be, Do, Become

I purpose daily to read several leadership blogs & intentionally post positive quotes.  This morning my chosen quote stirred my thoughts. This is actually the purpose.  Too many times we try to tell people what to think instead of inspiring or empowering them to think on their own.  Here’s the quote:

ImageBeing angry at the mirror won’t change what it is reflecting.
If you want to SEE something different you have to BE something different. – Steve Maraboli

 

A few years ago I learned about three little words that have the potential to create a catalyst for change.  Be, Do, Become.  These can be practically applied in any area in which we desire change. The process is relatively easy.  Begin with a choice of what you want to change or who you would like to be. Now let’s not get crazy & want to become another human!  Perhaps there is someone who is a role model to you.  What is it about them that you want to emulate?  Do they speak well in front of others?  Are they kind, generous & thoughtful?  Are they known for how they serve others?  Do they exude a healthy lifestyle? Are they physically active? Are they disciplined in certain areas of their life that challenges you to raise the standard in your own life?  Are they a great parent? Whatever it is, choose to glean specific info from an area.  This focus will include reading specific subject matter from credible sources.  Exercise discipline regarding this change by putting it into daily or even more incremental practices.  A book that has changed my life in so many areas, The Slight Edge, provides tremendous wisdom in how to implement & enforce this. During your waking hours, purposely think about this change.  One of my favorite Bible scriptures instructs us to call those things that be not as though they were.  I like to refer to it as the Speckled & Spotted Principle!  One of my favorite books, the ant & the ELEPHANT teaches us about the power of the conscious vs the subconscious mind. You have probably read how many world renown athletes see themselves batting that home run, or shooting that winning hoop, etc.  There is something powerful about visualization.

The second step is to Do what it is that you want to change.  If you are following a mentor or role model, do what they’ve done to accomplish their success.  This can start as small as setting the microwave for 5 minutes, look at yourself in the mirror & give a speech. Said speech can be just telling the person in the mirror how wonderful they are!  What if it’s writing a book?  Begin a blog. Becoming healthy?  Cut out fast food except for one day/week.  A marathon?  Start running at the local high school track or park that has a trail. How about a treadmill?  A simple way to begin running if you’ve never done it is to walk 5-10 steps, then run 5-10 steps & increase this, yes, incrementally, until you are running.  There are, of course, amazing apps to help you too.   Whatever it is….DO something!

Finally…..look in the mirror.  Who do you see?  Better still, who have you become?  Confident?  Happy? Healthy?  Competent? Courageous?  Empowered?  Free?  In the process, I can’t promise easy, but I can promise it’s totally worth it.

Blessings,

g

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2 simple words….

Happy Valentines Day to YOU!  Reading all the amazing notes revolving around this beautiful day has been so sweet!  I love to see the variety of gifts given as expressions of love & adoration.  During our DivorceCare Connect Group last night I specifically addressed this day with our participants. It can be a painful reminder of what you don’t have, rejection, blame, self-loathing, & even depression.  For many years I would confess, “I’m getting roses this year!”  I’ve only received roses one time in my entire life & that was when my son, Bryce, was born.  Nevertheless, after my divorce, I would say this consistently every year as I worked at the hospital.  On Valentines Day, 1995, I did the same thing.  To my surprise I received a cute basket of mixed flowers from an anonymous admirer!  Who were they from?  Could it be?  There was, Earl, a physical therapist I had grown very close to.  We developed an excellent professional relationship & became friends.  I would have enjoyed going out with him, but at that time, I wouldn’t have dared asked him to join me for coffee!  When I received the flowers his reaction was jealousy, but not to the point of asking me out!  Darn it!  Who then were the flowers from?  Here’s my theory!  I had the best co-workers ever & I believe they pitched in out of pity & respect, mostly pity & purchased them!  I was so excited & appreciated the gesture.   In preparation for today I looked in the eyes of each person in my group last night & told them this.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! 
Please remember……You are so beautiful! You are loved very deeply. 
The Lord, your maker, is your husband & He is an amazing companion, YOU are the apple of His eye & He thinks about you continuously! He loves you beyond words & wrote a book filled with loving thoughts & encouragement for you. He is the lover of your soul!!

valentines day love

Even through reading all the mushy-gushy social media posts, for some reason there have been 2 specific words that have resonated over & over in my heart.  Not sure as to why they are captivating my attention, but in light of seeing all the beautiful relationships being affirmed, I know there are just as many, if not more, that aren’t.  BTW…if you’re an English major, please apply grace to my use of commas!  Here are the 2 words & their meaning:

com·pla·cen·cy – noun \kəm-ˈplā-sən(t)-sē\

a feeling of being satisfied with how things are and not wanting to try to make them better : a complacent feeling or condition;  self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies

ap·a·thy – noun \ˈa-pə-thē\

Apathy is most commonly defined as a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern. It is a state of indifference, lethargy, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and/or passion.

An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical and/or physical life and the world.

In mentoring single adults, primarily separated or divorced, these words are very applicable.  We sabotage our relationships with actions of any/all of the words above & wonder what went wrong.  My heart is grieved to see this.  One of my favorite sayings is, “What it took to get her/him is what it will take to keep her/him.”  Once the relationship is solidified is not the time to drop our guard, but rather to ramp up & grow in every area possible.  I knew certain skills when I graduated from nursing school & was even licensed to do so.  After 25 years in the field, I gained tremendous wisdom that could never have been taught/learned during the education process.    Learning is a lifetime commitment & should be expected / practiced daily.   If we’re not learning, we’re regressing.  The results gained are worth the investment.

I’m an advocate of performing regular self evaluations.  I encourage you to read the definitions above, search every area of your life & determine if they exist.  IF they do…..please seek guidance in how to flip the coin to become a compassionate, concerned, involved, motivated,  person interested in the well being of others & aware of current situations / circumstances.

I can’t imagine going through life without aspirations, goals, dreams or expectations & you shouldn’t either!!! YOU are a one of a kind masterpiece & deserve to enjoy your life to the fullest. Think of how many others you can help direct along the correct path!  The ripple would be non-existent without the stone!

Happy Valentines Day Blessings,

g

2.17.14 PS….I have to add something!  I received roses!  Well…sort of!  I cooked gumbo during our one day snow blitz last week.  Being from Louisiana, I cook real, authentic Cajun gumbo & usually only cook it traditionally for our family Christmas.  It’s truly a labor of love! Around that time an older gentleman that my daughter, Summer, works with had mentioned the next time I cook gumbo, he would like some.    When it snowed again, I wanted it!  I sent gumbo & rice in my recycled LouAna Coconut Oil & Dukes Mayo jars!  This is what he reciprocated in return!  Such a sweet, pleasant gesture!  Maybe I should upgrade to glass jars next time!  LOLOLOL!

Roses for gumbo!

Roses for gumbo!