Tag Archives: inspirational

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it’s just a light bulb!

I am so beyond excited for the latest endeavor in the area of ministry involving single adults.  I have started a Divorce Care Program though my amazing church as a Connect Group & community-wide outreach.  When I divorced 19 years ago this type of support group was probably not unheard of, but just not available in my area.  Falling in love with reading & being hungry to learn as much as possible about relationships, dating, etc., has helped me tremendously.  The #1 asset has been counseling other singles.  I learned to minister through my own pain, rejection, & inferiority.  You’ve probably heard the statement that if we wrote our problems on a piece of paper, put them in a stack to trade with others, we would happily take ours back.  Each story I hear reminds me of the redemptive grace of God & makes me realize just how far I’ve come in the season of singleness!  I’ve branded the name of the group journE³y focusing on the goals to encourage, empower & equip single parents.

Recently I sat with a friend who’s in the process of divorce.  It’s fresh, painful, overwhelming & just downright not fair. I am a well-adjusted, single woman, yet I have a personal vendetta against divorce.  While listening (key factor here!), I realized it doesn’t matter how educated, christianated (yes, I know that isn’t a word, but….you get the gist), successful or strong-willed someone is, when the heart & soul (mind, will, emotions) are involved we become vulnerable.

We daily live our lives unconsciously.  There are actions we do & never realize they’re being done until it’s totally our responsibility to perform them all.  Trash, clogged drains, yard maintenance, pool upkeep, & the simplest thing of all, replacing light bulbs.  When a parent has to factor everything that was done as a team to now being done solely by them, the slightest infraction can be the straw that breaks the camels back.  I picture a child afraid of the dark who is lying in their bed envisioning each bedroom accessory coming to life with monstrous teeth & claws hovering to consume the frightened child.  The fear of the unknown is gripping & can paralyze.  One day everything is manageable & the next it brings a flood of tears to our eyes imagining how we will fit this into our schedule.

The maintenance issues can’t even begin to compare to the psychological impairment divorce brings to a child.  Rejection, confusion, insecurity, separation anxiety, uncertainty, &  more. Children are resilient, yet these emotions can scar a child & affect future relationships.

If you’re a single parent, I applaud you with tremendous respect & affirmation.  If you’re a married couple who have single parent friends, step up & offer assistance.  A note of warning, don’t let their stubborn facade of “everything’s fine” stop you.  Our church practices & encourages performing ARK’s.  Acts of Random Kindness have secured new, tremendous friends for me since we’ve promoted it.  Examples could be from something small like changing light bulbs to making sure you invite them to dinner with your family.  I will not regress at the numbers of times I prayed someone, anyone would just invite my son & I to dinner after church that never happened.  I finally stopped praying & began inviting other singles to join me.  While this is awesome to form community, it also creates isolation.  A single parent was once a family unit & sometimes, it just feels good being surrounded by family.  One of our connect groups is family game night.  This was the one I chose to attend last semester & I can’t tell you how much I gained from those amazing weeks of association.  Besides becoming obsessed over the game, Taboo, the relationships are priceless.

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Life isn’t merely a destination, but who you become in the….

Blessings,

g

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Maintenance

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Remember my beloved Volvo – Jean?

I’ve recently been performing some required maintenance on my car. You know, the battery dies & you replace it. Shoes (tires) wear out & I have to get new ones.  I live in Texas, in June & looking at 100+ degree heat waves.  My AC goes HOT &  I prefer not to arrive at my destinations looking (& smelling) like I just left the gym. Then…it’s the tune up required after 100k+ miles & probably brakes.  Because I’ve learned & teach sound financial principles, I purchased a used car that had all these points checked & approved prior to my purchase.  Of course, I’ve doubled the miles on it within the past 4 years, so…..it’s time.

I am frugal, economical, & even tight when it comes to these type things (OK…. most things!).  I shop around securing the best prices, request price matches, & order online as opposed to local parts places.

A friend asked a very normal question during a casual conversation discussing my maintenance investments.  “Why don’t you just trade your car in & get a new one?”  I say normal in the eyes of a society ridden with debt, stressed to the max & overwhelmed from one day to the next. I choose not to live that way!

ImageHer question was posed to my car, yet I couldn’t help but think how sad it is applied in relationships.  Being single for the past 20 years I’ve seen my share of disappointments in marriages, engagements & even friendships.  The “new car smell” has worn off & the “check engine light” is on requiring necessary, routine maintenance.  Wait!! Why pay for maintenance when you can trade in for a newer model!  Zero money down, free financing for a year, low-interest rates!    Newer models doesn’t necessarily refer to being age specific, but newer in experiences.  I immediately grieved for the marriages that are hanging in the balance right now.  Engagements being called off because he/she loved her/him, but doesn’t like her/him at all.  How many times do we see couples invest in their weddings without one fraction of investment afterwards in their marriage??  You see them too!  Many times a divorce is in process & the couple is mediating about who will pay for the credit card debt acquired because of an elaborate wedding.  Don’t get me wrong…..I love weddings, but have learned  I would now beg couples to invest in personal development, financial management & accountability instead.

There are many, many great *books available which will aid in answering questions & scenarios that are guaranteed to surface.  My ultimate reference is the Bible as it offers wisdom of the ages, timeless council & advice.  Invest in your relationships regardless of the stage & consider it the pre-loved inspection!  When maintenance is required, the resources are mapped out, emergency deposits were made &  you’ll never be left stranded!

Blessings,

g

*Not an exhaustive book list, but several of my absolute relationship favorites!–>>> Bible – God; 5 Love Languages, 5 Love Languages of Apology, & many other books by Gary Chapman; Wild At Heart – John Eldredge;  Men Are Like Waffles & Women Are Like Spaghetti Books – Bill & Pam Farrell;  His Needs/Her Needs- Willard Harley; Love & Respect and many other books by  Emerson Eggerichs; Intended For Pleasure – Wheat, Wheat & Rainey; The Anatomy of Peace – Arbinger Institute; Walking With God On A Road You Never Wanted To Travel and many other books by Pastor Mark Atteberry; Sexperiment – Ed & Lisa Young.

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Mirror-mirror…….

As we enter a wonderful New Year, please consider the quote in the pic below.  Take time to let go of things that don’t serve you & embrace unseen possibilities!  Unpack the emotional, self sabotaging, traps you’ve allowed to ensnare you.

Past failures should never be allowed to hold you captive, but should be considered teachable moments.  Failures have been one of my greatest tools for strengthening & course correction.  Past successes, regardless of how stellar they are, should be a memory.  What awaits each & every one of us in 2013 should be met with such anticipation, we may even lose some sleep!  Seriously!

Try this exercise for me!  It’s not strenuous, so don’t panic!  🙂  Go find a mirror & tell the person staring back how amazing they are!  I know this may be awkward at first because that person is you, but trust me…….once you love & respect yourself, things change!  Instead of telling that person how stupid they are for some of the crazy things they’ve done, validate their life & encourage them to push on toward becoming who God desires them to be.  Pick out some qualities you admire & affirm that person.   Tell that person what God says about them!  They are fearfully & wonderfully made & are the apple of His eye!   Let’s face it…..there are moments in time when you need to hear something positive.  Why wait on someone else to give that to  you?  They’re dealing with their own issues & may not be able to recognize you need their words. You want to know something awesome?  Once you begin validating who you are, you quickly recognize the look on others faces & can quickly validate them!  You become a mirror for them!

Many years ago I was beyond distraught & everything around me was crumbling.  Yes…..everything!  I quickly realized, as a single parent, my kids were my first priority.  Regardless of the depth of tragedy I faced, it wasn’t about me, so letting these things get the best of me wasn’t an option.  Not only was my reaction going to be an example for the present moment, but  I knew they would one day face challenges & hopefully could draw from this example for themselves.  Instead of allowing circumstances dictate my emotions, I focused the energy that could  have easily been anxiety into prayer & chose to walk in peace.  Now peace didn’t consume me immediately, but daily as I refused to allow my reactions to rule.  I learned I had a choice & peace was my choice. As I responded to this, things were easier to bear.  I tried this mirror-mirror exercise & while it was extremely painful at first, it quickly become an instant pick-me-upper! Now, years later, I love that person staring back at me.  I encourage & challenge her on a daily basis toward change.  YOU can do the same & I strongly suggest  it become a regular practice for you in the new year.

Blessings & happy, happy 2013!

One is a whole number!

g

better ahead